SINGH'N RAP II ============== Now this is a story all about Jeet Who lived on New York's 14th Street He graduated from college with a masters degree In a field known as anthropology He soon got a job in a research lab But always complained "why's life so drab!" He was constantly surrounded by geeks and nerds With e equals m c squared their only words He was a hard-core desi, I must say But his wildest spirits were being kept at bay Our desi veer could take this no more So he decided to knock on his neighbor's door His neighbor was a girl of Italian descent Who spoke with an intriguing Brooklyn accent Her name was Gina And I wish I had seen 'er Cause the way he had described her Any guy would dig her! Jeet and Gina started to date And would hangout together till pretty late "Meri Gori, Meri Sohni Gori" was all he'd say "No one can come in between us - no way!" But notorious Aunty Chugalkhor was on the prowl She sensed something in the air - was it foul? Oh yes yes yes - She was definitely in luck This, of all her stories Would be a slam dunk! She spotted her nephew in the mall And that too ... oh gori de naal !!! (AYE HAYE! Oh HO!) Well that surely did make Aunty's day A successful field day for her, I must say! She headed straight back home to make a call Undoubtedly to Jeet's mum in Balowall Jeet's mum could not believe her ears "Oh mera beta," she cried, wiping her tears She tried and tried to get hold of Jeet But each time she'd call his answerer would beep! Where on earth could the dude be? Well that's your imagination - Don't ask me! Mum's patience finally started running out So she left a message giving him the clout "Oh JINNY GORI noo chhadd dey Te vapas aja aithay!" Jeet was obviously taken by surprise Who the hell had blown his guise? But now was not the time to guess He had to quickly get outta this mess He drummed up the courage to call his mum But before he could speak, someone shouted "YOU BUM!" Of course it was mother in a terrible mood And now was not the time to be a dude! "OH tu Amrika vich kee karda phirda Murrh ke aja te tera viah kardiyay aithay Ik kurrhi hagayee barrhee piyarree Te puree seva karugee teyree!" But Jeet was clearly not impressed It was Gina with whom he was so obsessed He told his mum that that was no deal And that his piyaar for Gina was the one for real Once again mother hit the roof She could not believe that Jeet was such a goof! She hung up the phone And in the harshest of tones cried "Mundiya - you're now on your own." Just the next day ... Jeet and Gina tied the knot And their happiness together was easy to spot The days went on ... But with hardly a year gone ... Jeet Singh started to realize What was happening To his wallet's size! Was Gina just after his money? Or did she really mean it When she'd say "Oh honey!" A few rotten thoughts crossed his mind But he thought he was simply just going blind But one sad day, Gina spilled the beans She said she was leaving for New Orleans She had met a guy called Tom, And so wanted a divorce Which left our young veer in such remorse He remembered his mum's favorite words: "Goreeyan da koee parosa nayee hunda" And thought to himself: "Wasn't I a brainless munda" The divorce settlement did take place And he lost half his assets - Let alone his face! His despair could always be seen in his eyes But everyone knows that "desiness" never dies He soon met Mad-Mats who taught him to rhyme And ever since then: "ARRANGED MARRIAGE, BUSS ARRANGED MARRIAGE" - has been his constant chime !!!!!! --kenchee aitho(n) maro-- SINGH'N RAP IV ============== O Balle Balle Balle ... YO YO YO! The maddest and the baddest is back again With another wild rap to drive you insane So whoz the story 'bout this time? Well its all 'bout Jeet - me partner'n rhyme Remember the dude who married a gori? Well he's back again in yet another story !! Refresh your minds when the dude got dumped When Gina suddenly said ciao and left him stumped Now a year has passed since that sorrowful day And our veer has since come a long way He wrote a dozen letters to his dear mum Saying "Maaf Karna Ji, I was a real bum!" "Arranged Marriage, Buss Arranged Marriage is the only true way That an ishq connection will forever stay" "Valentine's Day is almost here And the smell of ishq is in the air!" "So mummy ji, please find me a sohni vohti Who'll make me the saag and maki di roti" His mum read the letters and wept with joy What wonderful words to hear from her boy! "Oh Jeetya, mera beta, aja mera raja I forgive you I forgive you so aja vayee aja" "There's a beautiful and dutiful vohti for you So chhaytee vapas aja and we'll find her for you" Jeet jumped on a plane the very next day And was soon back home eating paronthhay Mummy ji then opened the album And asked Jeet to make his selection There was Neeti from Ludhiana and Preeti from Patiala And Meena from Samrala and Reena from Ambala! The photos of girls went on and on ... And Jeet kept looking until 'twas dawn! It sure was hard trying to choose So Jeet thought ... Let's meet them all there's nothing to lose! His head was now spinning outta control As he pulled out the dice and began to roll! Three showed up, so who could that be? Yep that meant a trip to see Preeti! They got to Patiala just before four And Preeti's father opened the door They talked and talked for a quite a long while And man, was it great to see everyone smile! But then her dad learnt all 'bout Gina ... Could Preeti marry Jeet? ... Na jee na! Jeet's mum tried real hard to change his mind Hoping that those events could be put behind ... Mera beta is a top scientist in New York city Working for a company making plenty of money He drives a Toyota - yes a phully-loaded Camry! And has a beautiful condo in the city He is a caring and loving young man ofcourse So let's not talk about his innocent divorce! But Preeti's father was hard to convince And in his eyes, Jeet was no prince! So that then called for a trip to Jalandhar To meet an MBBS girl called Narinder She was sitting and reading on the balcony Buried in a tome that read Human Anatomy She wore glasses so thick - Jeet could swear ... They were the latest in bullet-proof designer wear! He asked her then if her nickname was Nerd But she just looked away not saying a word! Jeet then decided to show off his knowledge By recalling something he'd learnt in college The human body has 200 bones do you know ... ... 206 she interrupted but children have more She then began naming them all And Jeet just smiled and stared at the wall She talked about Caesarean sections And about heart bypass operations But when the subject changed to vasectomies Jeet just cringed and said: "Mummy, next please!" So then to Jagraon they went to see Mohno But Jeet messed up when he said: "Ki haal ai Moto!" She glared at him right in the eye And Jeet knew right then it was goodbye! So the barfi and laddoo were still nowhere in sight And everyone by now was dying for a bite! In Chandigarh, Raunki was his mother's first choice Who just loved to hear the sound of her own voice She talked and talked and talked and talked So Jeet just gave up and out he walked! And then 'twas time to meet Jasmeen A kurri from Delhi who was only nineteen She opened the door and said: "Hi, aap kaisay ho?" And Jeet looked up and said "Oh no!" What had happened to our piyaari boli? That was the problem with the folks in Delhi! In Ludhiana city, Jeet then met Neeti An interesting girl though she looked past thirty! And then down the road he went to see Reena But her name sounded too much like Gina! Mummy ji was now getting upset On seeing how picky Jeet could get! "Oh tu Jinny gori de naal na compare kar, rajay Punjabi larkian vee bahut sohnian hundian ay Yaad rakh ... beautiful te dutiful ... Ay kurrian gulab de phul vargian hundian ay!" So next in line was Moni ... A pretty young woman with a Home Science degree She was cooking in the kitchen when Jeet got there Wow! Now his cupboard at least would never be bare! But she brandished the belNa in such a way That Jeet signaled his mum "cholo chaliyay!" Jeet was now quite depressed His life was more than totally messed Rano turned him down because he was clean shaven and Mano said no because he was five-feet-seven! His mum's favorite words came to mind: "gulab de phul" But now all he could think of was: "gobi de phul!" Jeet decided to hit the local dhaba And sat down to have an alloo da parontha He just had taken his second bite When he suddenly choked on a lovely sight There she stood the woman of his dreams Balle oh balle ... the queen of queens! She was the prettiest woman he had ever seen Prettier than any model in Vogue magazine! But then he remembered he was in Ludhiana And asking her for a date was totally mana! There sure had to be another way To at least say hi before she walked away Jeet's eyes were glued in one direction What was to be his plan of action? But right at that moment came Jeet's biggest blow When a kid ran up to her saying .. "Mummy mummy, let's go!" Jeet raised his arms in despair What rotten luck he had to bear! He called up Madmats the very next day Saying he was packing his bags for Norway! I hear out there that girls are real fine Who think that dark guys are totally sublime So all ye ladies in the house Please help my veer find a spouse He's losing his hair at an alarming rate So he's got to marry before it's too late! Madmats too is longing for some jalebi And how can you forget - a wonderful bhabhi! So please give Jeet some sound advice So he never ever needs to roll the dice!!